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posted January 25, 2010 8:26 PM PST

Napoleon vs. Hitler

    Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the main event. Tonights contest is scheduled for twelve rounds. Fighting out of the blue corner, wearing red and blue trunks, representing France as the Emporer of the French, Napoleon Bonaparte.
His opponent, fighting out of the red corner, wearing yellow and black trunks, representing Germany as the Führer und Reichskanzler, Adolf Hitler.

    The fighters touch gloves at ring centre as the bell sounds signalling the beginning of the first round. Hitler begins the fight utilizing his height and reach advantage with a solid forward right jab narrowly connecting with the left eye. Napoleon appears unphased by the blow and moves quickly to Hitlers inside where he delivers a punishing lower to mid abdomen combination. Unable to recover quick enough from his initial attack, Hitler is forced against the ropes where he locks Napoleon in a clinch which is quickly broken up by the referee.

    Napoleon, trying to maintain his momentum recalibrates his attack to target Hitlers mid-section and chin. Hitler is forced into a defensive stance as he manages to maintain his footing. Napoleon is making a potentially fatal mistake here now trading short jabs for uppercut attempts and heavy blows to the mid-section. Hitler is capitolizing on these moments of vulnerability by stepping back and attempting a short series of low hooks. This exchange is a great example of attack and defend by both contestants. The bell sounds signalling the end of the first round.

    At the end of the first round, Napoleon is leading in points but appears to be suffering from somewhat significant swelling below his right eye. This may become a hinderence further on in the fight.

    The bell sounds beginning the second round. Napoleon, holding his right glove significantly higher braces in a defensive stance as Hitler enters the ring with a seemingly stronger confidence. Hitler tests the waters with a few sharp jabs. Napoleons defensive stance is effective. Hitler fakes a left hook exposing Napoleons right eye and follows up with a shockingly fast right cross. Napoleon is down. 4 count and he's back on his feet but looking a little wobbly on the restart.
Napoleons bleeding now below his right eye and it looks like he might be cut on his left eyebrow. The bell sounds ending the second round.

    At the end of the second round, Hitler has taken the points lead with his quick knock down. Napoleons coaches are telling us he can still see and will continue the match.

    The third round is underway. Napoleon enters the fight in the same defensive stance as the previous round now holding both gloves tight to his face. Hitler moves quickly on the attack bombarding Napoleon with a flurry of wide hooks and heavy jabs. Looks like he's using his size advantage trying to bully his way through Napoleons tight defence. Napoleon's been pushed against the ropes and locks Hitler into a clinch. The referee breaks the clinch and it is immediatly followed by another clinch. Hitler pushes Napoleon out and lands a juggernaut of a left haymaker. Napoleon is Knocked Out.

    Ladies and gentlemen please bring your attention to centre ring. By unanimous decision the winner of this match by knock out, Adolf Hitler.

last updated January 25, 2010 8:31 PM PST