posted July 2, 2007 5:40 PM PDT

I Hate Fireworks

It wouldn't be so bad if people would save them until the Fourth, but nooooo.  I have to hear them from the middle of May up to and even past July 4th, startling me, making the dogs bark, fucking up my peace.

 

Today, with breakfast, I had a big glass of whole milk.  Bad idea.  I spent about a total of 40 minutes, between four trips, sitting on the toilet, with the most horrific sounds imaginable blasting out of my tookus.

 

On the last trip, just after I flushed and was all done, I turned toward the sink to wash my hands and, in that moment, someone set off a brick of firecrackers.  The sounds of the toilet flushing and the firecrackers merged.  It startled me and I spun around in horror.   It seemed as if it was all coming from the commode.  I thought it was exploding.  I had flashes in my head of a geyser of colon coffee, shooting out of an exploding toilet.  The unsanitary nature of something like that happening... I...  It'd kill me.

 

I fucking hate fireworks.

last updated July 2, 2007 6:12 PM PDT

posted July 2, 2007 6:17 PM PDT

I had many different emotions while reading this. wow
code_name_red

code_name_red is currently offline

posted July 2, 2007 6:25 PM PDT

please, write a book or a screen play. you've got it in you man.
dannyxfresh

dannyxfresh is currently offline

posted July 2, 2007 6:30 PM PDT

what danny said
roche8cb

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posted July 5, 2007 6:40 PM PDT

i laughed i cried i loved it. two thumbs way up.
Swatrob

Swatrob is currently offline

posted July 6, 2007 10:34 AM PDT

I just got a cramp from laughing so hard.

It fucking hurts.
Osyris_Glitch

Osyris_Glitch is currently offline

posted July 30, 2007 3:02 AM PDT

Man, imagine if you had still been unsettled and thought that geyser had come out of your ass...
waytogonikko

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