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posted May 26, 2008 2:56 AM PDT

The Last Straw!

I've been having very odd and messed up dreams the past few days (odd even for me) that have been screwing up my ability to rest.  They stayed out as just fun, but odd... Got a girl pregnant, got caught up in a war between two ancient and powerful races, both of Atlantean origin... Stuff like that.  There were a few that I don't remember.  Then, last night, I dreamed that I was Mark Petri from 'Salem's Lot and I was at a fair where a guy in a suit was making deals with people.  He would offer them whatever they want in return for whatever junk they had.  (Kinda cool, was the fact that my sister was there and, talking to her, I made reference to Hellraiser and The Creeping Flesh.  I can't get movies out of my head even when I sleep.  haha.)  Turns out the guy is Barlow the vampire from the Lot in disguise and he tries to kill me when I go to make the deal.  I get my ass kicked severely while screaming for someone to help and them ignoring me, happy with their deals.  I eventually managed to saw through his neck with a serrated hunting knife while he was trying to crush my head.

Fine.  I can deal with all of that crap, but this last dream...  THE MAN SHOT ME IN THE JIMMY!

It was raining and I was putting on a wet jacket that was wrapped around my bike seat and I noticed a car sitting by the side of the road.  I saw what looked to be a woman coming through the passenger window, leaning over the roof of the car, her pants bunched up just under her ass, and a man standing there doing something to her.  At first I thought he was going down on her.  I had to fix something on my bike, so I kept working at it while he did what he do, but I kept glancing back up.  It slowly became clear to me that they were both men and the one was shaving the other's asshole.  I also saw that he had a gun.  I thought that maybe they were going to smuggle something in the dude's ass.    I also saw that there were two other men in the car.  The guy that was doing the shaving looked up and saw me and I just put a hand up and said,

 "Nevermind me, man.  Carry on,"

and got on the bike to ride away.  I was standing and riding and I saw him pull his gun up and start to aim it in my direction.  Then he started to lower the barrel and I assumed he had just wanted to scare me, but then...

HE SHOT ME IN MY COCK!

Actually, it might have been cock, might have been balls.  I didn't examine it.  There was a sudden pain and then it went numb.

He started to aim higher and I swerved the bike and popped it up in a wheelie until I was standing on my feet, the bike up on it's rear wheel.  I was using it for cover and backing away towards a space between buildings where I was going to run.  He was coming after me and the other guys were getting out of the car. 

Then I woke up, freaked out.

That was just too far.  I like my boy parts.  These dreams are going to have to stop.  I'm going to do... something.

Goddamn it.

last updated May 26, 2008 3:57 AM PDT